Fantastic Friday! Embracing Life once Again

Twenty years ago, my doctor sent me to get a colonoscopy, as my sister died of cancer that originated there.  Sure enough, I had precancerous polyps removed and have had to go back every two or three years since then.

I fasted this week in preparation for my test and I had a hard time with it.  I have an unusually long colon and so have to fast for five days, plus take enemas and laxatives in order to be clear for the test. I kept thinking about food and wasn't able to settle into the fast as I normally do.

  

 

 

Finally, Friday morning arrived and I was able to return to Temple Medical for my test.  I couldn't go there last time as I was morbidly obese and they don't let people in that state receive anesthesia.    

 

 

All went well and when I woke up in the recovery room my doctor said that I had my first ever clear scope!    Yeah!

 

 

Friday night, I celebrated life by visiting The Steam Factory.   I dressed in a short skirt and heels, hung out with beautiful people and was tied up, TWICE, by Shibari enthusiasts.  

 

 

 

I'm feeling groovy!!!!

 

 



Returning From the Month From Hell

Finally!!!  I got my laptop back and things are slowly heading back to normal, I think.  It seemed like for the past 4-6 weeks I had been struggling on so many fronts and got more overwhelmed by the day  --  I felt depression trying to take over my existence for the first time in months. It was so hard to keep my footing, to not be pulled under again. Some how I got through it.  I had moments when I wasn't sure that I would.

WEIGHT LOSS: For the past 6 or 8 weeks my weight loss became very erratic even though I was still eating clean and working just as hard as I ever did.  Things got worse when I broke a baby toe and could not do cardio for a couple of weeks.

I have to update my weight loss page but I believe I had a net loss of about ten pounds for the month of July.  That's the least I've dropped in a month since I started but at least it's a net loss and not a net gain.     

Last week I had the house to myself while the family went camping.  I did a bunch of deep cleaning around the house and did organizational projects that I normally don't have time for.  This seemed to help me feel more centered.  I also took time to hang with friends and get my kink on!



  Ugghh, I have to have another colonoscopy on Friday so I must fast all week and since I also have an anal fissure the prep is killing me.  Once this is over I can go back to eating and exercising and moving towards my next set of goals.  Hopefully,  I'll be feeling much better next week at this time.

It's good to be able to blog again.  I missed it!

Thinness Does Not Necessarily Equal Fitness

Assumptions about body styles

 



I noticed a cute little gal at the fitness trail where I do my cardio 3 times a week.  She appears to be in her 30's and does not have a look that most pretty young girls would envy.  She is very pear shaped and has a body style that gives me the impression that she is destined to look thick no matter what she eats or how she exercises.  

But, that gal sure is fit!  She's a perfect example of why it's not thinness that I aspire to, but fitness and health.  Trotting behind her on the trail I'm amazed by the muscles I can see in her legs, arms and back.  Under the layer of fat that she'll perhaps never get rid of is a thick layer of muscle that, no doubt, represents years of putting her time in at the gym and the running trails.

She doesn't stay in my sight very long  --   she's a fast runner.  She's faster than I used to be and I was a distance runner for many years.  A nine-minute mile was my pace unless I was going for a sprint.  This little gal is faster than that!

Bounding down the trail, she passes younger, thinner women with a quick, practiced rhythm. She makes it look effortless, but I know better!  I used to run like that (and hopefully will again) so I am fully aware of how many pairs of running shoes she destroyed on her way to her present level of fitness.

I admire her so much!  She inspires my thoughts as I trot along.

Although I still have a good 50 or more pounds to lose, my cholesterol is down to 160 and my blood sugar is at the low end of normal.  My resting heart rate averages 64 BPM, blood pressure is down, etc.  I can now lift weights at the gym that a lot of men would have trouble handling and my stamina increases every day.

But like the gal at the trail, I don't LOOK like someone who is in better shape than her thinner friends.  I have slender friends who could not do planks, could not make it through a 3 mile walk, and who don't eat right or take care of themselves at all.

We get so caught up in what we think we see!  We can be so distracted by how things appear that we fail to appreciate the way things actually are.  I have plenty of days (Ok, MOST days) where I feel fat, old and unattractive because that's how it can seem when I look in the mirror.

I'm trying to retrain myself to let my body tell me how I'm doing.  What the mirror shows and what other people think they see when they look at me have nothing to do with the strength and personal fortitude it's taken to get me this far.   The best parts of us cannot be measured that way.

Here's to hoping that the "fat" and "unattractive" days get few and fewer,  And that I learn to listen to what my body says, to believe it, and to fully own what I've been working for.