Friday, January 29, 2016

January Progress Report

After a maddening net GAIN in the month of November I went on to lose 5 pounds in December and 12 pounds in January.  It looks like the plateau is over and while I wish I were losing at a faster rate at least it is going down more consistently and for that I am thrilled.

At various points in this journey I have experienced the feeling that, in different ways, I had crossed over some threshold or “leveled up” in some way that reinforced the ‘new me” and solidified positive traits and habits.

One such threshold is a significantly increased desire and ability to push myself with exercise. I feel an obvious increase in my strength and stamina at the gym and at the track.  I’m not “phoning in” my workouts just to tell myself that I made the effort but being very present and focused and trying to push myself a little more each time.  In terms of exercise I have arrived at a very good place, finally, after nearly a year of effort.

Another milestone has to do with self-medicating with food.  December was beyond stressful.  I had a close family member end up in the hospital Christmas week and immediately after that two deaths in the family.  Adding to my pain was the fact that a man who claimed to care so much never sent me a message of condolenceot . 

Friends whom I barely know sent beautifully written messages of sympathy with offers to help in any way they could and yet those from whom I would have expected such a message remained silent and that hurt more than I can say.  I was really in a bad place emotionally but it’s only within the last few days that I realized that never once during all of this did I ever self-medicate with food  --- something that would have been automatic and unconscious not too long ago.

Emotional urges to eat and soothe myself with food did come up but they were like background noise that I could tune out.  I realized this recently and it’s one of the most important milestones that I’ve achieved so far.

Throughout this process I have made a game of setting goals to achieve certain challenges by a certain date  -- usually having to do with an event that I’d be attending.  I’m going away for the weekend in April and have set a goal to lose another 25 pounds by then.

I still have struggles going on with yet another family member having surgery on Monday.  It’s my favorite daughter-in-law and during her recovery I’ll be babysitting more than usual so I’ll have to be determined and creative about fitting in my work outs.  I’ll manage somehow.  I always do.

Thanks and gratitude to those who have reached out during a difficult time.  If can ever return the favor I will be happy to do so!
I’m off for a brisk walk!!  Onward